Sunday, 15 May 2011

Thought Detonation #9 - Ringing laugh

It has been nearly 6 months since I have been editing Rajinikanth Joke Books ; I am remarked for a characteristic subtle humor and my mobile phone is full of joke SMS right now. I read them, assess them whether classic or OK or PJ, and then delete them. I may like them of course, but they never make me laugh. You know life of a teenager trying to make something out of his life, it is kind of stressful, especially when people call you talented and expect a blast every time. Keeping up with expectations all the time squeezes each drop of you and it is then that your smiles don’t last longer than half a second. 

I was just about to leave for a meeting. Dressed all in formals, I sat in my balcony, polishing my leather shoes and making a strategy for the day. I was nearly 9: AM. I was thinking of making a few more reference eBooks for my other website, I had to write a review, call up Anuj in evening, and tell Pulkit of the new hosting that we were going to use. I was trying to fix my schedule. I hate doing it. A guy can plan his life, have a time-table, monitor his progress, have goals, check success rate or just key his bike and go on an early morning ride to somewhere far between the hills and across the rivers. I am naturally of the later type, but I am acting to be former. You know we all need to do it right?
I was lost in my thoughts when my neighbor toddled in his balcony beside mine. Seeing me he increased his toddling speed and tried to stand by holding the balcony grills. Nah, he didn’t say anything, he can’t speak. His teeth aren’t out yet. He is just 10 months old. Looking straight in my eyes, he smiled fully and clapped his hands as he sit right next to me (neglecting the wall between us). He couldn’t speak but had a ringing laugh, loud and clear like we say. His eyes had a shine and seeing him clapping his hands in joy, I couldn’t stop myself from smiling back. I don’t remember when I had laughed last time. I had pretended to be laughing may times. Like we wear a smile while a hand shake, I laughed at hundred PJs cracked during meetings and tried to be charming. That charms works you know, but it doesn’t really make you happy. How can it?

Contrary to me, the toddler didn’t have to attend any meetings, he laughed only when he was happy, and actually he laughed all day. He was in such a better place than me. His expressions were loud. When he was happy, he could tell everyone that he was happy. If he was sad, we all came to know that he was sad. He never hid something within. Unlike me, he was “see through”. I wondered what I was doing. I never wanted to attend those meetings. I was running self sufficient and work was going fine. Why did I need to pretend so much then? Could I just bust out and all the frustrations run apart. I really didn’t want to be here. This all was merciless and totally a run down. I was flushing myself looking at that kid when my mom exclaimed, “Its 9:30 already. You are getting late.” I put on my shoes and left.

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